I am excited to release a rough version of my children’s storybook on trans*gender and gender neutral kids. Since I am cisgender I would much appreciate some feedback to anything I’m doing wrong. I really want to do this right. I want this to be stepping stone book for children and parents to talk about this.
this is beautiful.
I would love to have books like this in my potential future offspring’s library.
So, I paint my nails pretty regularly these days. I also work as a barista/cashier pretty regularly these days. A few weeks back, I had a customer come in, a fairly typical, sheltered, suburban soccer mom, and she ordered a latte from me. She saw my brightly colored nails and said, “Wow, you’re so brave! My son asked me about painting his nails, and if it’s okay for boys to do that. Now I’ll tell him there’s a cool guy who does it too!” It was a nice moment, very cute.
Then, last week, she came in again, and said, “Hey, I’m so glad you’re here! I want you to meet someone!” She then brings her son forward, and says, “Okay sweetie, show him what you did!” And he throws his hands up, showing off his bright, sparkling blue nails. He shows them off, and I show mine off to him. He smiles. We fist bump.
Guys, I’ve only wanted to cry once at work before, and that was when someone ordered a large dry soy cappuccino on ice.
So this morning I woke up to mixed news. Bad news: a young woman at my alma mater was murdered by a home intruder. Good news: a friend currently deployed overseas saved two children after a car crash. And the world spins on.
So you’ve just graduated from college and you want to change the world. Good for you. The non-profit sector seems like a natural place for a justice-minded person such as yourself, and nonprofits are almost always hiring because the turnover rate is so high. But you may find the social justice industry to be… a little unjust. Here are a few tips and tricks for how to avoid being exploited by a nonprofit.
Don’t work at one. Seriously. Working at a non-profit generally involves at least some level of exploitation. (When was the last time you saw a non-profit with a union?) If this doesn’t deter you, figure out what you’re willing to give up: Is it sleep? Weekends? Seeing your friends? Most non-profit workers do not work 9-5. Working nights and weekends is common. Paid overtime is not. Non-profits tend to make you feel like if you are not willing to work 24/7 then you are not “down for the cause.” That’s bullshit. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you’re not “down enough” because you are not willing to sacrifice your well-being for “the movement.” People who don’t take care of themselves burn out and often become jaded and bitter. You can’t sustain “the movement” if you don’t sustain yourself.
I’ve seen a lot of people sharing this on social media today. I imagine a lot of my followers are interested in nonprofit work, so I wanted to pass it along.
This is pretty solid advice. I ran a small nonprofit basically on my own for about five years, and while it was deeply rewarding and not something I would change, it was also a huge drain on my emotional resources. Working at a nonprofit is more than just a job, and that bears consideration.
“Hang the eucalyptus upside down by tying it to your shower head with twine. When you run your shower, the steam will rise up towards the eucalyptus, filling your bathroom with the most refreshing, relaxing scent. Plus, the added greens are lovely on the eyes. You’ll definitely feel a little closer to nature.”
This also works with other woody herbs like lavender, some mints, and rosemary. Just make sure you only leave them there for a day or that lovely herbal smell will be replaced with some pretty gross ones.
I rang the literary editors of a few ‘respected’ papers and asked them how much space they were giving to women writers in their ‘review’ sections. Perfectly predictable response. They all said the allocation was fair. One said it was equal, and one prominent editor went so far as to say women are dominating the reviews!
… What happened when I asked who was doing the talking in mixed sex conversations? Well, it was the women of course. And then when you get to measure it you find that women get to talk about 10-20% of the time in conversations with men. A woman who talks about a third of the time is seen to be dominating the talk.
And what happened when I asked teachers who got their attention in class? Well, it was all equal, wasn’t it? No preferences there. And you measure it and find that girls get about 10-20% of the teacher’s attention. Any more, and the boys think it unfair - and go into revolt.
So what do you think I found with the reviews?
I would have predicted about 10-20% of the space went to women’s books. Well, it is less than 6% of the column inches. And the reasonable editor who thinks that women are getting more than their share is one of the worst offenders. Poor boys! It really tells you something when they think only 94% of the review section is not enough, doesn’t it? When 6% for women is too much you get some idea how much men think they are entitled to - as a fair deal.
Dale Spender, correspondence, in Dale and Lynne Spender, Scribbling Sisters (Camden Press, 1986), pp. 31-32 (via radtransfem)
Further proof that outspoken women are not compared to outspoken men - we are compared to silence.
One big reason I really hate it when people are negative towards psych meds (as a generality) is that the majority of the mentally ill people I’ve talked to have had their lives fucked up by either putting off trying meds for way too long, or worse, going off their meds for a really bad reason.
I don’t mean that the side effects sucked, or that they couldn’t afford the meds, or that their doctor was shitty to them for getting refills. I mean we are constantly told that we should not be on meds long term, that we should just use them to get over a hump, that we never actually needed them in the first place, that they’re making us worse. So we stop taking them and our lives fall apart, even if we do it under a doctor’s supervision.
I don’t want to get into exact stories because a lot of it occurred in confidential settings, but people think they’re being helpful by stopping people from using psych meds right away and protecting them from lazy doctors and Big Pharma, but that’s not really what they’re doing. There definitely are doctors that will give you meds and send you on your way with barely a glance, but rather than tell people that meds are bad we need to tell them to do research and advocate for themselves, whether it’s for or against meds, with accurate information about the benefits and drawbacks and no moralizing about whether or not you’re weak.
For me, talk therapy was pretty much pointless until I got meds that worked really well. I was too afraid to talk to my therapist about important things, and too depressed to care about getting better. Why would you want someone you love in that position, rather than have them try out some medications?
I’m happy to contribute my story to this. Mental illnesses run in my father’s family, so it’s pretty screwed up but I feel lucky to “only” have depression and anxiety from PTSD. I have been cycling through varying degrees of depression since I was 12, and I’m 24 now.
My boyfriend, who I’ve been with for almost 6 years (holy crap) has been very supportive every step of the way. Because of the mental illness in my dad’s family, my mom had ample opportunity to stigmatize any efforts to improve one’s mental health while I was growing up. So it was a big deal that boyfriend was supportive when I finally made the decision to go to counseling in college. A couple years of talk therapy helped me a lot, but it could only take me so far. After college, I lost my access to low-cost services and wound up in a job that was the absolute worst for me; for six months I came home from work crying almost every day, and that was compounded by the fact that I was living with my abusive parents. Long story short, I quit the job, moved about 400 miles to live with C, and eventually found a therapist my insurance covered, who, after a few months, suggested antidepressants. I was reluctant at first, but after researching on my own and talking through all my options with her, I decided to go on them.
They changed my life. I stopped having panic attacks almost completely, and when I felt one coming I was lucid enough about my own mental health to prevent them. My worst fears, that I would lose my creativity or my sense of self, never came true - in fact, freed up from the most severe symptoms of my PTSD, I feel more creative and more “me” than I have in a long time.
‘Michele Carragher is a London-based Hand Embroiderer and Illustrator who has been working in costume on film and television productions for over 15 years. She studied Fashion Design at The London College of Fashion, where the course incorporated design, pattern cutting, garment construction, embroidery, millinery and illustration. At the same time she attended a three year evening course in Saddlery at Cordwainers College learning skills in leatherwork.
After leaving college Michele worked in Textile Conservation, repairing and restoring historical textiles for private collectors and museums, specialising in hand embroidery. She then moved into a career in costume for film and television, initially working as a Costume Assistant/Maker on productions such as the BBC’s Our Mutual Friend, ITV’s David Copperfield and Mansfield Park. She soon gravitated towards the decoration and embellishment of costumes, using skills in hand embroidery and surface decoration, taking inspiration from the many historical textiles she had encountered working as a Textile Conservator.
The first production that saw her undertake the role of a Principal Costume Embroiderer was for HBO’s 2005 Emmy Costume award-winning production of Elizabeth 1. Her most recent work has been on HBO’s 2012 Costume award-winning television series Game of Thrones, working on all three seasons.
As a Costume Embroiderer Michele specialises in hand embroidery and surface embellishment, using traditional hand embroidery techniques, smocking, beading and surface decoration. She works directly onto the completed garment or starts with motifs and textures on silk crepeline/organza, which are applied to the costume and then worked into once on the actual garment. She also works on existing machine embroidery designs that are not too dense, adding some hand stitching and beading to give a more authentic, hand-finished look.
Michele finds hand embroidery has more flexibility and diversity than that of embroidery created by machine, as there is a greater variety of thread choice and colours to use. It is also possible to work more easily on garments that are already constructed. However, machine embroidery in combination with hand work can be very useful when completing many repeats by creating light outlines or a less dense machine stitch, work can then be completed by hand and again can be carried out on a finished garment.
Michele is a highly creative Costume Embroiderer, producing original designs as well as working closely to a costume designer’s brief to create their desired look.’